Oh, if it isn’t our favorite time traveler! Noah is back with another unbelievable story! And when I say ‘unbelievable’, I don’t mean ‘amazing’; I mean ‘implausible’, ‘improbable’, and maybe even ‘impossible’. You might remember that we first talked about this mysterious personage a little over a month ago, and how in late February we reported that he had successfully passed a lie detector test. I know, right! Lie detectors are apparently fallible! Because the other option, that Noah is really a time traveler, is just too far-fetched to be even considered. But hey, there were people who couldn’t imagine that computers would ever be useful and look how silly they must feel now…
Anyway, back to the story now, which was brought to our attention by UNILAD. Noah Novak (that’s not his real name, by the way – he is using an alias because he’s hiding from the government!) has returned from the year 2030 and he is now apparently stuck in 2018. This isn’t the first time he has traveled through time: Noah has visited other years as well, including the year 6000 and he has even brought proof that he’s from the future in the shape of a really blurry photograph. It got blurred because that’s the effect of time travel on a piece of paper, all right? It’s not as if he’s trying to fool gullible people!
But Noah is either the luckiest or the unluckiest person in the whole goddamn universe. Turns out that another version of himself, the one from the year 2070, also got stuck in our present day! I mean, what are the odds?! And now the two Noahs have met each other and Noah 2030 has corroborated that Noah 2070 is indeed the real deal, because he knew certain information which they were unable to share with the general public because it’s “classified”. Of course it is.
See? It’s all clear now! There is definitely no way that this second time traveler isn’t the same person as the first time traveler! Noah 2030 is sure of that!
“He showed a bunch of personal information, he said a bunch of things about what I did, he said all the sequence of events and stuff since I came back from 2017,” Noah 2030 said.
“He said everything that I did, and this is the type of stuff that someone would have to stalk me for my whole life to figure out.
“Obviously it would be really hard for him to figure out all of this information. There’s no way that he could figure all this out unless he stalked me from the very beginning.”
Because in this day and age, being a stalker is far less likely than being a time traveler…
Any sci-fi fans out there might have been wondering exactly how the interaction between two versions of the same person could have taken place without causing cataclysmic consequences for the space-time continuum. Noah 2030 had the same question, but Noah 2070 had the answer!
“People from the future are fitted with special microchips which stop them from revealing anything to people which might change the course of history,” he said.
Well, that’s convenient!
If you’re curious as to what the future’s got in store for us, you’ll be happy to know that the two Noahs have dished out a few fascinating facts. For one Donald Trump will be re-elected in 2020 – why do Americans love to torture themselves? Two, artificial intelligence will be the dominant form of technology by 2021. Next, 2028 will see the start of time travel and the colonization of Mars, and among other things, BitCoin will be the most widely distributed currency and some forms of cancer will be cured.
Hmmm… These predictions aren’t that far out there, actually. Except the time traveling bit, which still seems as unbelievable as the existence of people who in this day and age believe the Earth is flat.
Noah and Noah aren’t the only people who claim to have come back from the future, which is weird, because Noah once said that even though there were indeed others who could hop through the years, other time travelers are invisible! But Alexander Smith is definitely visible and he definitely also affirms that he is from the future.
Smith agreed to a video call on KIIS FM’s Kyle and Jackie O show, and he revealed that he used to be a CIA agent, but now he’s on the run. Which begs the question if these guys are supposed to be hiding from the government, what the hell are they doing giving interviews and attracting attention with their wild stories?!
Smith also had a photo brought from the future and this one wasn’t even blurred! So how exactly can he prove it was from the future? Anyway, the picture showed a city from the year 2118 and he described the scene, saying:
“The streets were completely void of any cars. There were no cars in the streets, the streets were one big sidewalk on which many people were walking. I looked above and the cars were actually flying overhead. It looked almost crazy. There were so many in the air.”
Oh, where is the Doctor when you need him? He should just whoosh in with his TARDIS and save the Earth from these amateur “time travelers” by taking them back to their own time periods and relieving us of their far-fetched fables!